Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Being modest

mod·est

[mod-ist] 
adjective
1. having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions.
2. free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house.
3. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress.
4. limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.
I just started trying to be modest. In other words, I just started wearing the hijab =). Kinda funny that in the previous post I was just writing about my new haircut. Anyways, surprisingly wearing the hijab makes you even feel modest inside. I mean, me at least. I used to wear it in school coz it was just compulsory in my school to wear a hijab. But once school ended, I chose not to. It was for the simple reason that I felt insecure. And I still remember telling myself that I'll wear it again once I gained more confidence. And that was when I was 18. Now I'm 26. My self confidence has definitely had a tremendous increase since then. This past year I've been thinking of wearing it again. Close friends know my intention as once in a while, I would tell them. I started buying scarves and wearing more covered clothing although not completely committing to it. Once in a while when I'm about to go out, I try on a scarf and look at myself in the mirror. But everytime, I just ended up taking it off coz I felt like it just didn't look right.

Personally for me, it's been quite a tough time this past month. And naturally, that just makes one think about god/Allah more and asking for his guidance. Maybe that's why he suddenly moved me to try on the hijab again, only this time for some magical reason, it looked just right. Maybe to someone else's eyes it looked ordinary. But who cares. It looked super nice to me! And so I decided to leave it on that day. I went out that day with my new, hot pink, jersey hijab that I bought from Karyanina (acecee promo skett)and headed over to Stellar at SS15, feeling proud and contented. Seriously, it felt like such a relief. I didn't think that it was gonna make me feel that way. But it was a good feeling. And I didn't even feel insecure or anything. I just felt really pretty =). I decided to keep my new image and I feel happy. 

The best thing is that it changes your life in the best way. You don't just wear it to look modest, but to try and be modest in every other way possible in your life. Jaga tutur kata, pergaulan dengan kawan-kawan, pakaian of course lah, and most importantly solat. I'm not saying it gets perfected instantly. Memang tak aa. Orang luarbiasa je boleh buat instantly. But you are more aware of it and you genuinely try your best and its like you can now focus better on other things in life besides obsessing on your looks. Tak tau nak explain mcm mana lagi tapi memang best la.

Alhamdullillah, thank you Allah for all that you have given me. I feel proud of myself. Thank you friends and family who have truly been supportive. and to that special someone, thank you for being on the same page with me during this transition. And for telling me I look pretty more times than you did masa sebelum bertudung =D. (kalau siapa-siapa rasa nak muntah skarang, muntah la. ade aku kesah? haha)

I just felt like sharing this coz it feels good. =)
..Oh on another note. My take on bertudung just being a trend now, I say OKAY AA TUU! Ramai lagi orang rasa confident nak bertudung sekarang. Tak kesah la nak ikut trend ke apa, asalkan tak over and tutup mana yg patut n cosistent, ok aa tuuuu.. =) 
Stay positive!